Why Can't Moms Ever Go to The Bathroom Alone? A Therapist Explains How to Pee in Peace

"It frustrates (moms) deeply when their husband can just go to the bathroom and just be in there for what feels like hours on end."

Moms, have you ever wrangled multiple young children for what seems like an eternity while your husband locks himself in the bathroom, blissfully unaware of any screaming, whining or injuries occurring just outside the door?

If so, you're not alone. (Both literally and hypothetically, that is.)

Licensed relationship therapist and mom of four Sheina Schochet had heard about this issue from so many clients that she created an Instagram carousel to explain it.

"The thing that's been coming up a lot is moms complaining that when they go to the bathroom, they're still 'on.' They’re never able to just be in the moment of where they are," Schochet tells TODAY.com. "And it frustrates them deeply when their husband can just go to the bathroom and just be in there for what feels like hours on end."

Though it's very tempting to heap all the blame on seemingly unaware dads, it's not solely their issue.

"From an evolutionary perspective, moms' brains are wired to always be 'on,' to be the person who is taking care of everybody’s needs, and we've been socially conditioned to be the default parent," Schochet says. "So it's hard to step out of that role."

Resentment can build if moms are consumed by kids while dads have the luxury of being completely alone.

She adds, "We have to be even more intentional and aware to give ourselves the space to detach and turn off and recharge."

How, exactly, can moms do that?

Open the Line of Communication

First, Schochet says, we should have an "open conversation" that's "not about somebody being wrong and somebody being right." After all, it's not a dad's fault that his wife can't mentally step away, and it's not a mom's fault that her husband can.

Bodily functions can be unpredictable, but if you sense a pattern of dad escaping to the bathroom during chaotic times, like the morning rush or the witching hour, you can ask him to "be as quick as possible and be mindful that I'm on the other side of the door with all the children."

Notice What’s Happening Underneath the Resentment

If your husband disappears in the bathroom during times when the kids are asleep or otherwise occupied and it still bothers you, dig deep and investigate why you're feeling that way.

Schochet recommends asking yourself, "Is what they're doing negatively affecting me, or is it triggering me because of a need that I have that's not being met?"

Your needs might be different than your husband's. Maybe you want to go for a jog or read a book uninterrupted. Schochet stresses the importance of being "open and honest" about having "that space where you're not being affected by your kids."

Lead With Curiosity

Conversations like these can become heated, especially for sleep-deprived parents, which is why Schochet suggests "approaching each other with a sense of curiosity versus a sense of critique and blame."

Schochet adds, "At the end of the day, we're all human, and we're not trying to intentionally hurt each other majority of the time, and we make mistakes. So when we can approach it with curiosity to see what's going on, that's going to serve us a lot better."